“I’m tired.”
It’s been the phrase of the summer. In the past 8 weeks I’ve moved across the country, started serving the underprivileged in the inner-city, bought a house, traveled well over 10,000 miles and spoke to roughly 12,000 young people about Jesus.
The schedule, pace and intensity of summer was both a blessing and a hardship. The grind of past months kept me focused and distracted from some of the difficulties and angst that comes with transition. At the same time, I found it incredibly hard to be present in the curr ent moment as I was trying to stay in front of the next commitment or task on my calendar. Though I wouldn’t change my last few weeks, I don’t have a desire to repeat it either.
At times, it felt like I had absolutely nothing left to give. At other times, I couldn’t tell if I was really giving anything or just going through the motions. I’d sit down to pray but when I had finished, I wasn’t sure if I had prayed at all. I’d speak to thousands about Jesus and step off the stage and immediately question myself and everything I said and shared. And, even after having a front row seat to see God do some powerful and miraculous things, I’d find myself simply thinking, “I’m tired.”
Like a car running on empty, these last few months left me feeling completely ineffective and depleted.
Have you ever felt this way?
I’ve recently been thinking about the prophet Elijah. One of my favorite stories of the prophet is when he encounters God in a whisper on a mountain peak. It is a cool story; you can read it here. But it is even more incredible when the story is read in context.
To give a horribly quick summary: before encountering God on the mountain, Elijah worked a significant miracle and ended some false prophets in the process. This upset one of his enemies, Jezebel, and she was out to get him. Elijah freaked out and goes on the run.
Between these two events, Elijah besting the false prophets and finding God in the whisper, there are a few short verses that have brought me consolation. In 1 Kings 19, we read:
“[Elijah] lay down and fell asleep under the solitary broom tree, but suddenly a messenger* touched him and said, “Get up and eat! He looked and there at his head was a hearth cake and a jug of water. After he ate and drank, he lay down again, but the angel of the LORD came back a second time, touched him, and said, “Get up and eat or the journey will be too much for you!”He got up, ate, and drank; then strengthened by that food, he walked forty days and forty nights to the mountain of God…” (1 Kings 19:5-8).
These few verses may seem insignificant at first glance, but there is a significant truth hidden within this passage.
As I have been burning the candle on both ends, I often was overcome with frustration with myself and with God. I have been upset with my lack of focus. I have been down on myself for feeling too exhausted to give time and attention to my family, friends, teachings and ministry. I have been disappointed I couldn’t hear or feel God in prayer and discouraged as many requests and petitions went unanswered.
Yet, in this passage from 1 Kings, I’ve been reminded that we worship a God of naps and snacks. Or maybe, to put it another way, we could recall St. Thomas Aquinas’ famous teaching: grace builds upon nature. The supernatural is built upon what is natural. To take care of our spiritual lives, we need to take care of our daily, physical lives – sometimes I forget this.
Elijah was scared, anxious and lost. He was literally running for his life, and what did he do? He took a nap and then God gave him a meal! Then they repeated the whole process again. This quick pause and lull comes directly before the prophet finds God on the mountain top; that can’t be coincidental, can it? These few verses have reminded me that I need rest to be at my best.
Physical exhaustion will always lead to spiritual weakness. Sacred Scripture reinforces this. Psalm 127 states: “It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for [God] gives to his beloved sleep” (Ps 127:2). This may be my favorite verse in the entire bible!
This summer stretched me further than I thought possible. I’m spent. I’m tired. But I’ve made it through the summer gauntlet. My recent schedule has been equal parts exciting, overwhelming and numbing. God moved and God was gracious, and now it is time for some rest and reflection. If you find yourself feeling tired, I invite you to take a religious rest and beatific breather with me. Sit and be still with our God of naps and snacks.
